Tips from the Musician: A Guide to Get the Most Out of Your Wedding

Weddings are some of the most beautiful time honored human traditions. Every culture throughout history has had their own way of celebrating love. Whether it's a Western style wedding, a Chinese wedding, Indian wedding, Orthodox Jewish wedding, or a shotgun wedding done in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator, it all comes down to the joining of two people and their families.

I, myself am not married yet. It is definitely something I am striving for at some point in my life. I have, however, been to hundreds of weddings. Well actually I should say I've played music at hundreds of weddings. One of the best ways to keep the lights on for a professional musician is the good old fashioned "wedding gig." The wedding industry has been employing musicians probably since weddings started. I'd like to think of a lute or lyre player in Ancient Greece talking shop with his buddies about his upcoming wedding gig for some ruling class family in Athens. Now all across the world musicians are being paid to come and perform the ceremonies, cocktail hours, and receptions of every type of wedding imaginable. 

I've seen and played it all. Large weddings, small weddings, lavish weddings, lower budget weddings, destination weddings, rustic weddings, religious weddings, gay weddings, interracial weddings, interfaith weddings, you name it. I've played in some of the nicest wedding venues California has to offer, along with people's private homes and an assortment of ranches, vineyards, and off the beaten path places.

What's the point of this you ask? Well as a musician I always like to think I get the best seat in the house to witnessing any type of event. While on the bandstand I get an all around view of the party and how the guests are acting. It's my job as a performer and entertainer to read the room and give the guests and clients an amazing time. I hate to say it, but at this point I think I can tell if a couple will last or not based on how they plan and act at their wedding. Planning any event that involves a lot of guests and logistics is stressful. Combine that with the financial burden, the notion of spending your life with one other person, and having to see your spouse's crazy Uncle Mort more often, it's no surprise why even the strongest of couples go a little crazy on their big day. If it's any help from me, a mere 29-year-old bassist (I'm laughing while writing this), I have put together some tips that I think could help the new bride and groom to be on what should be the best day of their life.

1) Keep It simple

Seriously, keep it as simple as you can. Remember, that the very core of this tradition is the witnessing of love and the commitment of two people to spend the rest of their lives together. The weddings that try to add and do too much are the ones that make everyone's life a living hell. Make your day special! Have great food. Have great drinks. Have great entertainment. Do all the typical traditions and do whatever that make your wedding special. All I'm saying is that I've seen that weddings with too many moving parts are the ones that tarnish what the event should be about in the first place. This leads me to my next tip:

2. Hire a good wedding planner

A good wedding planner can make your event an incredible experience. A bad wedding planner can ruin not only your day, but everyone else's involved with the wedding. More often than not I have worked with fantastic wedding planners who excel at everything the job entails. They not only outsource all the fun stuff (the food, the entertainment, and the bars), they plan the logistics, are easy and fun to work with, and understand how to make everyone happy. Every now and then however, you get that one wedding planner who's lacking the skills and experience needed to make everything flow easily. Luckily in this day in age it's easy to get a great wedding planner. Get referrals from friends, check out reviews online, team up with websites like The Knot or Wedding Wire, it's all at your disposal.

3. Really know your budget, and stick to it

Weddings are incredibly expensive. The venue and the food/drinks will destroy you the most, but the gown and tuxes, the entertainment, decorations, transportation, and the planner are definitely not to be slept on. It goes back to keeping things simple. Getting to the roots of what you and your partner want and are into as a couple. Are you both foodies? Maybe put more money into the food part. Are you music lovers? Go all out on the bands. Do you want a small destination wedding that only you, your closest relatives, and friends can go to? Get married in Hawaii. There are certainly tricks to cut costs. I've seen a lot of weddings go with food trucks as opposed to catering. I've seen people downsize the number of bars at the party and have them close a little earlier than expected. I've seen people host the receptions at their houses instead of a magnificent venue in order to get all those other things. Remember this is YOUR day. Invest in to what makes you both happy and hey, if you DO have the means, then well by all means (sorry) go all out. 

4. Be careful with the entertainment you get

I know this sounds crazy coming from a musician (I'm sure a lot of my colleagues might be weary reading this) but really, you should actually consider this coming from a musician. Again, I've seen and played hundreds of weddings. I've played these with an assortment of acts and bands. I'm very fortunate that I mostly get to work and play with some of the best musicians around. That being said, I have played in some bands that I can openly admit that I for sure wouldn't hire. This could be a whole post in itself (which actually as I'm writing this I'm inspired to make this the next blog post), but one should know if they want a DJ or Band and how to hire them. Since I am a musician (and I am biased), I'll quickly talk about hiring a band. 

You should know that no matter how good a band is, no matter how many great reviews they have, and no matter how good the singers are, a band will never sound exactly like the record. Especially when it comes to modern top 40 music. The final mix you hear on the radio of your favorite modern top 40 hits are layered with effects, post production techniques, instruments and sounds generated from computers, and beats that are played by machines. Any thing that IS played by a human is a lot of times edited and made to sound robotic and more perfect. There are of course exceptions to the rule but when it comes to modern top 40 one would hear like on Kiss FM, most of it is extremely produced. That being said though, you can still find a great and tight band that can play all these songs wonderfully, and make your guests dance all night. It helps to know exactly what you want. I see more and more that clients are getting tired of the same old typical wedding band. The days of showing up in a tux and playing "My Girl" and "We Are Family" are quickly shrinking and people are wanting to see a unique, modern edge on things. Like hiring a wedding planner, do your research! Ask friends, look up reviews, and not only watch the promo videos of bands, but try and watch live action videos of them on a wedding making the guests dance in real time.

5. Get most of the "tradition" stuff done in the dinner hour

I'm not a wedding planner obviously but more often than not I have seen this flow work the best. What I mean by this is that once guests are seated for dinner, have the first dance (along with parent dances), toasts, and blessing over the meal done now so once dinner is over then it can be fun and dancing all night. I know this sounds self-explanatory but again, I've seen things get completely screwed up because the timing got off and the couples tried to squeeze too much in a short amount of time. Also, just as an off the record suggestion, spend the extra money for seated and plated dinner instead of a buffet. Buffets are huge time wasters and they make everyone cranky when they have to wait to be called up. Just my two cents.

And lastly...

6. Be patient and have grace

Things will go wrong. The drummer of the band will show up late and walk in with his drums while the father is crying during his speech. The best man will get hammered and fall into the cake. The catering truck will have a flat tire 40 miles away. I've seen it all. The couples that stay together are the ones that laugh it off together. I can understand that it can be frustrating if the day of your dream gets messed up because of the drummer but the key is going with the flow and figuring out what needs to be changed on the spot (if anything). Remember, the whole purpose of this event is about love and matrimony. Like life in general, things aren't perfect. People make mistakes. You can let one little hiccup completely ruin your day or you can laugh it off and figure it out whilst looking into your partner's eyes thinking about how you're the luckiest person in the world. If your big day is built on that last statement alone, then I promise everyone will come out of it happy.

Hope you enjoyed reading! This is my very first blog post in 29 years of living. I can't wait for the next one! Cheers!